walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
