I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
