he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
