ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My pussy is not your playground.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
