Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
