Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
