I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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