i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
