I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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