she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
