chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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