Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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