I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
