i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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