i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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