And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
