so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
