So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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