Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
