Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
