My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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