I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
