sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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