What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
