Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
