Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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