Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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