I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
