If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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