I think my fart just growled at me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize