I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
