Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
