I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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