I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
