Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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