I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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