hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
