Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
