I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
