I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
