This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He? As in you personified your dick?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
