how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
