I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
