Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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