Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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