fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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