i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
