I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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