Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
