end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize