I met the friendliest cop last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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