Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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