who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize