Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
