Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
