Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
