Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ttyl tear gas
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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