look no pants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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