he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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