ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
