the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
