That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
