but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
