ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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