I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
