And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
