You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
